Julia and Chess approached their fathers in the field. Their tent was cozy and warm and had their belongings neatly placed. A table in the center where the two met. The inner sanctum, as they called it. No one was allowed inside the inner sanctum. Chess and Julia walked in and made themselves comfortable and waited. They glanced at their belongings, a file cabinet was locked, probably contained their books, their history, their future plans, probably some personal effects. They had cots, but Julia and Chess sat at the folding table. Confident but nervous as their group had determined it was time to shit or get off the pot.
As the five weeks passed that their guests had been in their field, both groups had intermingled enough to know who they liked and who they didn't like. Who to trust and who to remain suspicious of. They'd only had a couple interactions that were negative, but that was when Cal's crew crossed a line or two. No one died, because Julia had been asked not to kill their group members. She was quick to draw a gun, but restrained herself.
Cal's and John's second in command had seen them enter the inner sanctum and reported off immediately that their kids were waiting for them. Cal and John brought coffee and they sat at the table with their children. They saw the kids everyday, grew closer to them and their relationship as parent-child and survivor-survivor was strong.
"What's with the meeting?" John asked, taking a seat across from his son. Cal sat as well and they all made their own cups of coffee.
"It's time to move on." Julia said first, glancing at Chess for support. "You're in our field. We need our field."
"Have you given any thought to joining us?"
"We have and we all feel as though this is where we belong. This is our home." Julia answered honestly.
"You don't have to leave. There's plenty of places to go around here that would sustain you all. You just have to move off our land is all." Chess said.
"Have you given any thought to settling down? Forming the community like I suggested." Julia asked. "Stop traveling the countryside and the state and just settle down."
"You found us and you have to decide whether to leave us or settle down near us. But you can't stay here."
"What's the rush, Julia?" Cal asked.
"We have to plow and plant the field, dad. Your people are sitting on it."
"Ok, we'll move on." Cal nodded.
"I believe that some of your members are thinking of settling down. They're welcome to stay with us." Julia offered. "I will need an exact number so we can get a plan together."
Chess head back to the house after their meeting in the inner sanctum. Julia stayed in the encampment and found the small tent toward the back corner of the land. She went inside and he waited for her.
"What's the word, pretty lady?" He asked, flashing that beautiful smile at her.
"You'll be heading out soon. I don't know where or any specifics, but Chess and I served the eviction notice." Julia answered, folding her arms across her chest. "I would like for you to stay, but I understand why you want to leave."
"Gonna miss you." He said, approaching her, putting his arms around her shoulders.
"Me too." She sighed. "Thanks for answering all my stupid questions. I appreciate your help."
"You won't know for sure till you use it." He replied, twisting her red curls in his fingers.
"I hope I won't ever have to. But there's stuff even he doesn't know and I want to make sure that I'll be able to do what I can."
"You'd make a helluva medic, Miss Fry."
"Nurse. Not a medic." She laughed. "You're welcome here anytime. I wish you'd change your mind. You wouldn't have to teach me all that if you'd stay."
"You can handle it."
"Ooorah." Julia smiled as Ansell the medic kissed her cheek.
"You gonna spend some quality time with your favorite nomad before he leaves?" Ansell asked, pulling her closer to his body.
"I can spare a few minutes before they come looking for me." She teased him.
"Maybe there's some anatomy and physiology I haven't gone over yet?" He grinned, kissing her around her face.
"Julia," They separated when they heard Chess calling for her. His voice was approaching.
"Oh, Ansell the medic. I think our time's up." She gave him a peck on his cheek. "Till next time."
Jay and Tavin spent the morning at the Strands farm with a handful of Cal's crew. Paul Strand accepted their help willingly on the farm. There was fence mending among a variety of other maintenance chores on Paul's itinerary. While Cal's crew worked, Paul gave Tavin and Jay hands on instructions how to plow the field using horses. Clair fed them a feast when they finished, welcoming them all into the house to their table.
The five men from Cal's crew were more than interested in staying and settling down, resolved they'd never find their families and they wanted a simple and peaceful existence. They talked with Paul, Tavin and Jay over the weeks they'd spent with the group and had nearly come to the decision that they were staying on with Julia's team of people.
"That's why we brought you here." Tavin said to them. "There's plenty of land and there's plenty of space for you to make your own way. Paul here could sure use the help."
"We had an idea similar to this last summer, but it didn't workout." Paul added. "You can take the land and build your own home or homes. We can work it out so it's fair. There's lots of space I cannot use on my own now."
They hashed out the land and the space. Paul had showed them around and they made plans to meet again. The crew hopped in the back of the wagon with Jay and they rode back home. They talked about their history with the Strands, how they met and that they were the first and only family they'd encountered since they settled down. When they arrived back to the farm, they found Cal's group had met for a meeting and had started to break down the encampment.
Cal's group moved quickly once they were given their eviction notice. They broke down to the bare minimum and had their vehicles loaded up. They planned on rolling out first thing in the morning. All toll 22 people wished to stay behind with Julia's group. Tavin and Jayson were a bit overwhelmed at the amount of people that had wished to stay.
"Julia, that's 22 extra mouths to feed and bodies to house." Tavin roared.
"I didn't expect there to be that many. Tavin, I thought 10 at the most. Can't we give them to Paul?"
"Red, this is a problem."
"They need their own farm, then." Julia shrugged. "When we started out, we were at what? 25 or so. It's doable. They just need their own place. They're resourceful. They can scout a place and move in just like we did."
"We'll address this at the table." Tavin grumbled, limping his way to the door.
Evening meeting was uncomfortable at best. Having the extra hands meant that more could be done, dividing up the work among more people and having less to do overall. They were stretched beyond their limit with Jay down and Tavin down and due to the loss of Kevin. Most of those 2 dozen people stepped in and helped with the work and the runs they had to make. They were good people. They were worth making room for and they were worth helping. They were able bodied and smart individuals. Julia saw this as a total positive and booed the naysayers.
"22 extra hands means our area for the animals will be built faster. The fence and the spikes will go up faster. They could put a cabin on that land as well for those who wished to stay and we could plant more and harvest more."
"It's supposed to be just us. We're a family. They aren't our family." Chess said.
"Then they'll be our neighbors, Chess." Julia argued.
"We'll need to meet with them and ask what they want to do." Tavin said. "We'll go from there."
"Meeting closed?" Julia closed her book after adding a few notations and everyone dispersed to their corners of the world.
Julia sat with Tavin, going over some of the projects that they had in mind for the future. The amount of time and effort, the supplies they'd need. They'd have to factor in the newcomers and plan accordingly. They'd also need to figure in the lack of man power as well with Jay and Tavin's recent injuries, then the loss of Kevin. All Tavin could say to reassure her was 'we'll figure it out'. She looked over the plans for the fields, which didn't deviate from last year much. Unless they had more mouths to feed, Tavin reminded her. He seemed disillusioned by the amount of people Julia and Chess had offered space in their group. He didn't try to down her ideas and her positivity, but he thought it important to give her a reality check. He urged her to wait till they knew exactly what they were dealing with after Cal and John's group pulled up stakes in the morning.
Julia didn't seem very put off by having her only family and her last living blood relative leave her. Chess felt similar. They were so blasé about the whole reconnection and disconnection, Tavin found it confusing, especially having so many of his own blood relatives in the same home. His family surrounded him daily, brothers and sister and cousin and son alike. Julia felt more of a claim to his family than her own. He couldn't say that if the shoe were on the other foot that he'd be so willing to stay and watch his blood depart.
He made sure that she and Chess had made the right decision staying with them and not leaving with their family. Chess had responded that he lived with his family and Julia responded similarly, that she felt the group was stronger than any blood bond. Tavin knew she'd never leave Tatia. She and Chess could leave and still have each other, not bonded via blood but through friendship.
Both their answers were a resounding no. They'd responded like that since they had been reunited with their fathers. Tavin wondered if they'd be so quick to say no if their mothers were requesting their departure and not their fathers. They'd always been headstrong and stubborn, but this was an extreme that normal people just didn't face.
"Red, can you come up later?" Tavin asked, touching her hand that rested on top of her books. He indicated he was ready to go upstairs and settle in for the night.
"I can't. You know that." Julia answered.
"You don't need an excuse. Just slip on up there. He slides up when he wants Jess."
Julia shook her head no, but she wanted to. He could see that. He decided to take matters into his own hands, calling Jayson back to the table.
"Yeah. What's up?" Jay answered, coming through the living room to the table
"Tavin-" Julia said, mortified by his spur of the moment idea.
"Jay, do you know about me and her?"
"You and Julia? Yeah, I do." Jay replied honestly, looking at Julia.
"You know?"
"Yeah, I know." He answered. "And-"
"You didn't say anything."
"Neither did you." Jay argued, looking at Tavin who'd obviously clued him in at some point. Had there been confrontation or a brother to brother talk, Julia was not privy to that.
"So you understand?" Julia asked.
"What I understand is we all do extra. We may not like the extra person, but we all do extra." He replied, sounding rehearsed. He was accepting this way too calmly.
"You like Tavin, though."
"Babe, it has nothing to do with me liking or not liking anyone." He told her, then walked away.
"So it's me, then? Tavin- Who don't I like?" Julia asked Tavin.
Tavin looked at her seriously, squeezing her hand. "Think you're the only one with secrets?"
"What? I don't understand." Julia asked. She thought a while in silence. Her brain churning what Tavin and Jay had said. When she finally understood, she felt betrayed but she also felt relieved. These two had set up this moment. They wanted her to figure it out. Having been completely oblivious, she felt stupid, but not really truly surprised. Standing up from the table where she made decisions that affected lives, she walked away to deal with the decisions that had been made that would clearly affect hers. She passed her room, passed Jayson and knocked on Hayley's door.
"Hey, Julia." Hayley said.
"Hey, babe. Can I sit?" She asked.
"Sure."
Julia sat beside Hayley, rubbing her belly. She didn't feel hate, but she didn't feel love either. Not for Hayley anyway. "Hayley, is this Kev's baby?"
Hayley was quiet a moment. "No." Hayley answered. "I couldn't cross that line with Kevin. I tried, but it was-"
"Shhh. I understand." Julia hushed her.
"He was my rock and my friend and I miss him so much. But I never slept with him."
"Does he make you feel better, Hay? Did he help you recover from that hell like he helped me?"
"Yes." Hayley answered.
"We'll work this out." Julia shuddered at the thought. "I don't know how, but we'll work this out."
Julia stood up and went to her room. "Jayson Keller." She said holding back the anger. "A fucking baby."
"The baby, Jules-"
"Shut up, Jay."
Her body felt like it was tearing apart from the inside out. An acid washed over her, turning her blood cold. She felt chills and she needed out of the room, away from him. But couldn't move fast enough. It felt like her body was rejecting any love she'd ever had for Jayson Keller and that love was ripping its way out of her. Her stomach started heaving in her abdomen and before she could control herself or leave, she vomited in the trash can by the door that sat next to her desk. Her entire body turned hot and she began to perspire. The vomit spewed from her mouth as she'd never had a physical reaction to anything ever before. She'd felt emotions the last year and a half that ran the gamut from fear to revulsion to guilt and shame and now all she felt was empty inside. She was baffled that he'd managed to keep it quiet. Hayley had known obviously and possibly Kevin? How long had Tavin known?
Jay crouched beside her as she hurled chunks of dinner out of her body. He brushed back her hair and held it up to shield the red locks from getting dirty, but she couldn't feel any more dirty than she felt on the inside. He tried to speak to her, but she swatted him away with her hand. She needed to get out before she broke apart altogether. Vomiting was one thing, but breaking down and crying in front of him was another. She couldn't let him see, let him witness the falling apart and the tears and then have the desire to comfort her.
A baby? She got unsteadily to her feet, composing herself and she walked out of her doorway. She turned away from him, walked out the door to the addition and into the damp early spring night, holding her breath the entire way. Once outside she kept walking toward the still, sitting on the crate outside the shed, sucking in heavy breaths of cold air to revive her lungs from the crushing feeling that held her with a strong grip in her chest. She hadn't felt this suffocated since she'd lost the baby.
"Fuck." Julia muttered, hanging her head, bending over with her elbows on her knees. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." She repeated, reaching back to her waist and feeling the butt end of her pistol against the palm of her hand.
Julia listened to the hum of the voices that reached her ears from her field. She scanned the house from her seat, dim light flickering in the windows. She felt left out of both worlds. She was toxic to the people she came in contact with. For all her good intentions, she felt she ruined everything. Both worlds in front of her and she suddenly felt like an outsider in both of them, on the fringes. Her dad's group definitely was not the place for her and her own group, which she led effectively in tasks had an erosion at the core. A scab that she had peeled off. The only question was what lay beneath? New skin or a wound?
Julia tried to work this out in her mind. Tried to weigh the pro's and con's, but it was too soon. Her body started to convulse with sadness and tears she let flow, she wondered how they'd work this out. She'd said that to Hayley, right? Was it up to Julia to work it out and make things work? Who else's shoulders would it rest on?
"What's wrong with you?" She heard Chess's voice approaching her from the path around the coop that led to his still.
Chess passed her, pulled a bottle off the shelf and sat beside her on the ground. Her took a drink then passed it off to her, which she'd accepted.
"Everything and nothing, Chess." She answered, slipping off the crate to the ground at his side. She explained a little of what had happened in the house.
"What are you going to do?"
"Well, I could pack my bag and go with my dad." She replied, "Or I could deal with it and move on."
"I get why it matters to you. And it's only cause of the kid, Julia. Other than that why care?"
"It's because of the kid. You're right. I just thought that I'd be the one having his kids, Chess. I'm supposed to have his kids. Me."
"It hurts doesn't it?"
"Oh, shit. It's like I was just run over by a truck. I feel wrecked inside."
"Whatever you want to do, I'm with you. I got your back."
"Thanks. I know."
"There's some stuff you can't deal with. You can accept it, but you have to separate yourself from it. Y'know?" He suggested. "If you leave with your dad, I'll go with you."
"It's not the life I want."
"Do you want me to deal with him? I will if you ask me to."
"Like kill him? God, no." Julia answered shocked he'd even suggest it.
"Her?"
"No, Chess. God. Don't think like that." Julia told him, shocked by that suggestion. "If I wanted to do that, I would do it myself. They don't deserve to die. No matter how much this hurts me."
They sat by the still, knocking off a bottle of Chess's brew, getting drunk enough to barely walk back to the house.
"Well, I see no other choice in this matter, Chess." Julia slurred as she tried to get up from her seat on the ground.
"What's that?" He asked, helping her to her feet and walking a crooked path back to the door. Julia stopped by the entrance to pee, dropping her pants by the steps and squatting. He held her hand so she wouldn't fall over and held her steady as she pulled her pants back around her waist.
"Take my gun away from me before we go in." She said, turning her hip toward him. He pulled the weapon from her holster. He tucked it in his waist and followed her in the house. She went in the living room and head toward the couch, but Chess caught her and took her upstairs to his room. He laid Julia next to Jesslyn and removed her shoes, the holster from her waist. He slipped his hand up her shirt and unhooked her bra, removing it through the sleeves like girls do. He covered her little body up as she was in and out of consciousness.
"Chesssssss," She called adding an extra few syllables to his name. "Sleep on it, Julia." He advised her, doubting she'd remember any of this in the morning. She was wasted. "You gonna hurl?"
"No." She answered.
"What's going on, Chess?" Jess asked, sensing the movement in her bed.
"Nothing, go back to sleep." He told her as he tucked Julia beneath the blanket.
As his girls fell asleep, he watched the two of them take over the bed. Body parts spread out across the mattress. "Fuck," He mumbled, tucking Julia's gun in his drawer with his clothes. Chess left the room, pulling the door shut firmly behind him. He descended the stairs and lay on the couch for the night. Julia slept late and purposefully missed breakfast, having gone downstairs after the morning rush at the table had died out. She listened to the house come alive, breathed in the scent of breakfast as it filled the house, listened to the activity as it hummed outside. She was in for a long day and hung over at that. Jess had got up with the kids for her. Had asked what was wrong, but Julia didn't want to go there. It was too early and the wound was so fresh. She promised Jess she'd explain later and when she felt ready, but only asked if Jess would mind having a roommate? Still in the same clothes as yesterday, missing her bra and her gun, she carried her shoes to the first floor and into her room. Where was her gun? The night before was fuzzy in spots, but she remembered enough. She changed into fresh clothes and started her day late on purpose. Luz gave her a cup of fresh coffee and she forced down some toast with homemade jelly despite not being hungry. Luz told her she looked like shit and Julia felt it too.
"Julia, you drink too much."
"I'm painfully aware." She answered, placing sunglasses on as she head into the morning sun. Life's routine carried on without her presence, chores were being carried out and perimeter checks had been done. She greeted the kids hello as they played on their swings and slide.
"I'm sorry I'm late." Julia announced, meeting up with Tavin and Chess at the encampment with Cal and John. Jay had already been up and was with Ansell removing his cast. The cast that Julia had told him she would remove. They had one last truck and tent to break down and according to Cal and John they'd be rolling out by 0800.
"So where are you guys headed?" Tavin asked.
"Delaware. Some of our crew have family down Delaware shoreline." Cal's drive had been to reunite as many men and the few women with their families if at all possible. He'd reconnected if not reunited.
"Are you sure you'd like to stay? Offer still stands, Julia." Cal stated, leaning against the post in the yard.
"I have given it a lot of thought and I believe my purpose is to be here." Julia answered. "When are you coming back?"
"When the mission is complete." John answered. "We'll make our way back home for sure. We'll settle down when we're ready. There is a big world out there. There are people who need help and there's a herd that needs thinning. Both alive and dead."
"That sounds exciting." Julia smiled. "I am glad I got to see you again, to know that you're alright. Did you see Andy yet?"
"I did. Last night. We had a long talk. Did you and Andy get to talk yet?" Cal replied.
"We haven't, no."
"I gave the boys the same offer we gave you and Chess."
"What boys? Andy and Rey?"
"This way of life attracted a lot of my people. I offered our life style to yours. It goes both ways."
"You can't have Andy or Rey."
"That's not your decision to make for them." Cal said. "Luz has family in lower Delaware. She agreed to let Rey go."
"Are you bringing them back?"
"The road'll do them some good. Toughen them up." John added.
"Yep, they'll leave boys and come back men."
"They already are men." Julia stated, taken aback by the sudden decision. "You're right. They can make their own decisions."
She wished she'd known ahead of time, but Andy knew that by telling her she'd only try to dissuade him or Rey from leaving.
Cal left 3 days worth of rations for the people that had opted to leave the group as well as their belongings and their tents, which they'd broken down and then set up in the clearing adjacent to the house.
"If you return and we're not here, go to the library. Find Ann of Green Gables. I'll leave a note for you."
"Will do. Stay safe. Take care of them."
"I will." Julia replied.
She spent a few minutes saying good bye to Andy and Rey, warning them they better come back in one piece.
Julia observed two separate groups functioning independently of one another. Transitioning them from Cal's nomadic lifestyle to the slower and simpler way of life was no easy feat. She, Tavin, Chess and Jay spent hours talking and getting a feel for what they had planned on doing because living in their clearing was simply not an option. The way of life that they chose to live wasn't being handed over to them. They had to work their own land, build their own way in the world from the ground up like Julia's people had. It was what they signed up for. Julia's idea of community was in its infancy. The way she saw it there were several options they could explore and they were laid out for them clearly. Jay and Tavin had explored the local area and there were 2 or 3 farm houses that they could easily transform into workable and functional homesteads. With the amount of hands they had, they'd be up and running in no time. It was up to them to get together, put their own plan into action. They would have to create their own direction, their own rules, their own way of life. Julia's team and the Strands were available as liaisons to assist with any questions or quality of life issues. They decided that first thing in the morning they'd get out with Tavin and Jayson and they'd scout the locations and they'd decide which one they liked best.
Luz prepared the evening meal and the table was unusually quiet and solemn. There were 2 empty spots and everyone's thoughts were with Andy and Rey on their journey to Delaware. There was no evening meeting. For once, Julia just didn't care. All the group members hadn't really been able to focus and Julia didn't wish to force them. Her mind was in the survival game though and she chose to work at the table. She retrieved her books from the room and set up shop at the table with her desk lamp on low light. She may have chosen to avoid the obvious, but Jay couldn't anymore. He sat in the seat next to her at the table and waited till she gave him her attention.
"What, Jayson? Can I help you?" She asked, not taking her eyes off her books.
"I think we should talk about last night, let me explain-"
"There's nothing to explain." Julia told him. "We all do extra."
"I didn't do it on purpose." He said, playing with an extra pencil on the table, rolling it back and forth.
"Neither did I."
"I didn't want to hurt you."
"Neither did I. But I didn't get pregnant by him." Julia said. "You got her pregnant."
"It could have just as easily happened to Jess."
"But it didn't happen to Jess."
"It was just a few times."
"Jay, our relationship is very open. That's quite obvious." Julia shrugged. "You're free to do what you want."
"You're taking this way too easy."
"I got through it."
"Where'd you sleep last night?" He asked.
"Where'd you sleep last night?" She parroted.
"Quit going around with me." Julia got up from the table with all her books and notebooks, then walked back to the addition and to their room. Jay followed her, watching her in the room through the doorway. "Move," She ordered. Jay stepped aside and she started tossing her stuff out of the room across the hall into the room that had been Andy and Rey's room.
"Julia, what are you doing?"
"What we should have done a long time ago. What you should have done and what I should have done." She tossed every trace of her out of her across the hall. "We still get to see each other. We still get to be friends. We still care and love each other, but this. You crossed the line."
"Julia, you crossed the line too. We specifically said-"
"I realize what we said."
"That was just for me though, that line."
"This is better than breaking your nose. This is better than having a mental breakdown, because I honestly don't have time for that. This is the best decision and the safest decision I can make for the entire group."
"This isn't about the entire group."
"This is about you and me-" She hissed as she tried to drag her little desk across the hall. He reached over and picked it up, placing it inside her room for her. "I asked Chess to take my gun from me last night, Jayson. Consider yourself lucky to be alive."
Julia closed the door to her room, shutting him out.
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