Beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...Damn it, that's annoying.
He told me I would be awake. He told me when I wake up, I would be home. I would open my eyes and I would be able to fucking...open my eyes...
Open them...open...open...open.
Julia opened her eyes. The room was dark, but her eyes were definitely open. She stared directly at the drop ceiling. A small water stain was on the drop ceiling panel in the corner. There was an aseptic smell.
What the hell is in my mouth? There's something in my mouth. In my throat.
An alarm sounded in the left ear. She took a deep breath over whatever was lodged in her mouth. She moved her hands. She was tied down. The 'beep' sped up. She'd been tethered to a bed before, so getting out of the soft restraints on her wrists were no obstacle. Whoever had applied it was a poor Caleb Downing copy cat. Her hands slipped out easily. The 'beep' slowed as her heart slowed, no longer racing. She reached up to her mouth, feeling the plastic tube that was lodged in her mouth.
What on earth did Tavin do to me?
She grasped the tubing and wiggled it around a little. It was stuck? She coughed as hard as she could muster and pulled the tube as she coughed. Out. Pain ripped through her chest. Her ribs were healing. She could barely move her right leg. It was then she decided she was in some trouble. She turned her head to the left and saw the source of that annoying beep. A heart monitor. Fantastic set up he had going here. Where did he get all the equipment and the electricity to run that equipment? Generator maybe? She was confused, disoriented to her surroundings. She reached around her chest, removing the monitor leads, her abdomen and her thigh, her arm. Once the leads were removed, the monitor went crazy sounding a steady and monotonous 'beeeeeeeeeeep'.
"Oh, my. Hello. Look who's awake." A nurse smiled. She attempted to reattach the leads and Julia punched her in her nose. She left out a little squeal and backed off. "Ok. Ok. Calm down, Julia. I'm Kendall. I'm your nurse. I'm trying to help you."
"Get the fuck away from me and turn that the hell off. " Julia demanded, her voice hoarse from the tubing that had been in her throat. The nurse silenced the monitor and urged her to allow her to reapply the leads. "Get all this stuff off me now. And get me my doctor."
"I'll get him now, Julia." The nurse scurried off, disappearing a few minutes, then returned with a kid not much older than Julia was herself.
The nurse was relieved to have the doc standing at her side as she took Julia's vitals. The kid couldn't have been more than 25 and he looked younger than that. Dark brown hair cropped short. Brown eyes and a chubby face to match his chubby body. The doctor whipped a stethoscope off his neck and started placing it on her chest with his chubby, sausage fingers. "Get off me. Where's Tavin Keller?"
"He's not here right now, Julia. He'll be here in the morning." Kendall answered. "Julia, please let him assess you."
"Where's Jayson Keller?"
The nurse touched Julia's hand. "Julia," She said.
"Never mind. I know where he is." Julia said, cutting the nurse off.
"Do you remember what happened to you?"
Nurse Kendall stayed by Julia's side and answered any questions she had, though Julia kept her mouth shut and didn't have much to say. She watched as Kendall removed the monitors and the IV, but she declined to remove the catheter that had been placed in her bladder. Once Kendall had turned on the lights in the room, Julia was awed by the display of flowers and cards and handmade well wishes. Balloons. Julia hated balloons.
"Who sent all this stuff here? Everyone I know is dead." Julia stated more as matter of fact than anything. "Where's my cell phone? Can I have the remote? I'm thirsty too. Can I have some soda?"
"Anything else?" Kendall asked.
"A notebook and a pen. I need to write this all down."
Kendall did her best to promptly meet all her needs. Julia apologized for punching her in the nose. Kendall set a note pad and a pen in front of Julia on her over bedside table. Kendall looked at her with the sad nurse face.
Julia looked at the clock on the wall. 500am. This was the time she and Chess would make love. Morning wood, Julia thought. It was time to fill the stoves and make coffee. Julia looked at her fingers. No ring. No marriage. No husband.
Her father was first to arrive. He arrived solo. He was overjoyed that Julia was awake. He met her with a hug, tears and didn't want to let go of her. He had many questions, which Julia refused to answer. She was caught in between two worlds. He knew everything, every detail of her life from the moment she met Jay till the moment he tried to kill his daughter. It was a miracle she was alive. Who takes a shot to the head like that and lives through it? Julia. Just her luck.
A head shot. She reached to her head and felt the bandage.
"He shot me in my head and in my back." Julia said softly.
"Do you remember it, Julia?"
"Yes and no, dad. Yes and no."
"I'm glad he's dead. Or I would have killed him with my bare hands."
"Dad, really, can we not do this?"
"I know you won't sit here and defend his actions."
"I can't judge him by his actions on one day out of many days." Julia informed him.
"Julia Jillian-"
"I don't expect you to understand this. You never will."
"Why? Why did he do it?"
"I had a long time to make peace with Jayson. I have my answers. He wrote you a letter. What did it say?"
"How do you know about the letters?"
"I know a lot of things, dad. There were five letters."
"There were four, Julia."
"There were five, dad. One was for his mom. One was for the kids, who I want to see by the way. One was for Officer Ripkin, his confession. The other was to you, John, Sandy and Hayley's parents."
"Were you aware of this? Beforehand?"
"No, dad. I wasn't."
"The last letter. Who was that for?"
Julia thought a moment, choosing to keep the contents of that letter to herself, "His brother." Julia looked at the clock. Almost 7am. "Listen, find me a real doctor. Someone who can explain my injuries and the expectations. You know. Who operated on me? Not that little sausage finger intern from this morning. Lifted my gown all up and acted like he never saw boobs before." Julia complained. "Go. Find. Me. A. Doctor."
"Yeah, yeah. I'll be back, Julia."
"And breakfast. Some coffee. Do you know what I have had to eat lately?"
Julia flipped on the news. She discovered she was only out four weeks. In that four weeks, she'd had a hell of a dream, lived a different life, led a group of people through unspeakable acts and horrors. She'd resolved every last issue she had with Jay, except the one that put her in a hospital bed. She never expected to wake up like this. Another challenge to over come. She needed the internet. If she had learned anything in the time she spent in her head, it was research. She needed to research her condition, the recovery and how long it would take to get back on her feet. What were the odds of a complete recovery? She suddenly felt she had a long road ahead of her.
Julia's legs were just shot, literally. Very little feeling, mostly a numbness like when your leg falls asleep. Julia felt that was a good sign rather than a bad one. She tried to wiggle her toes, tried to bend her leg. She needed to get stronger. If she got stronger, then she may be able to move them. Move them, she decided. Julia pulled the pillow case off her pillow and looped it around her foot, beneath the arch. She pulled the case with one hand and then lifted her knee with the other. Ten times. Her legs were heavy. She needed to know if she could stand. She lifted her right leg, holding each end of the pillow case. She pulled it till it dropped over the side of the bed. She followed suit with her left.
"You're gonna fall if you do that, genius." Tavin said from the doorway to her room. "Where are you going?" He asked as he entered, setting a cup of coffee on the table.
"I want to stand up. Help me."
"Julia, you cannot stand up."
"Look, Tavin." She pointed, trying to wiggle her toes. They didn't move.
"Look, Colombian black. Get back in bed."
"I need to get out of here, Tavin. I don't want to be here."
"You just woke up, like 2 hours ago. Chill. Get in and drink your coffee."
"How are the kids?"
"Not gonna lie, they're fucked up. Sandy put Alex in therapy. Tatia doesn't understand."
"It was my job to protect them, Tavin, from stuff like this."
"I don't know what he was thinking, Julia, I am so sorry any of this happened."
"There's so much we need to talk about."
Tavin helped her back into bed and settled her in with her cup of coffee. Julia detailed bits and pieces of her dream. It took 2 hours. She gave him names and dates and addresses, locations. She swore it had been so vivid, so real, so unbearably wonderful and real.
"Zombies, Julia?"
"The zombie apocalypse. For real."
"You died." He said. "You were gone for forty five minutes."
"I'm aware. That was the best part, Tavin. It was the most difficult decision I ever had to make, deciding whether to go with her or stay here. I chose to stay."
"Julia, it had to be the drugs they gave you. Maybe you were tripping? Or the lack of oxygen when you coded?"
"I am not trying to figure it out, Tavin. I know what it meant for me."
"You saw him. Before you woke up? What did he say?"
"That he was sorry. He only wanted us to be together. All of us. He never meant for any of this to happen."
"He's sorry? Sorry. You don't see what it's like out there, Julia. Do you realize what he did?"
"I realize that. I understand and I forgave him. I am alive. Everyone else has to do it in their own time."
"It's just not that easy, so watch what you say to people. People are still hurting."
"Understood. I didn't say I was over it, but I am sensitive, Tavin. It can't be easy for you either."
"Thank God you did not mail that letter."
"I mailed the letters that needed to be mailed. The truth was supposed to come out. I didn't know he was going this far. I didn't know he still had the gun and the knife. I didn't know he was going to do this. I would have stopped him. I thought we were going to get in trouble, go to jail, not to the grave. He was pissed off and made a desperate decision."
"The cops are coming to question you. They have all our phones, the letters, everything."
"You didn't get in trouble? For anything you did with me?"
"No. We were both underage. Didn't break any laws, Julia."
When the detectives showed up, they informed her she was being interviewed as a witness. To Julia, the interview felt like an interrogation and they questioned her for a couple hours, asking the same questions in different ways, trying to trick her into a response they wanted to hear. They questioned her about her interactions with Caleb Downing, his murder and the arson that followed perpetrated by Jayson Keller. Julia knew the contents of the letters by heart. She didn't need to read them, she didn't need to look at photo copies of them. In fact she could recite them. Jay claimed complete responsibility for every action. He had written them to clean up the mess. He had fixed everything like he said he would. He did not reveal the fact she'd been sexually assaulted, rather that he'd discovered Caleb Downing's whereabouts, he'd gone into the house on Green Street and he had executed him. He then had burned the house down to cover up any evidence. They had to clarify a lot and Julia answered every single solitary question they had honestly. They knew everything anyway, so hiding the details of her life wouldn't matter at all. "Have I answered all your questions?"
"All except for one, Miss Fry." Detective George replied. "Where are Caleb Downing's books?"
"You'd need to ask him that, Detective."
"In his letter to Officer Daniel Ripkin, Mr Keller stated you were in possession of those books."
"Well, I'm not." Julia replied.
"So you never had possession of them?"
"Look, you have knowledge of every part of my life. You've got my phone and no doubt the last month while I have been here, you left no stone unturned. You have met every skeleton in my closet. If you haven't found them, then you will not find them. I do not have them."
"This is starting to sound like an interrogation, not an interview." Cal said, stepping into the conversation. "Do we need a lawyer?"
"No, Mr Fry."
"You come in here and question my kid about a murder that he admitted to. You come in here after he tried to assassinate my daughter in her own home and treat her like a criminal. She is a victim here."
"Mr Fry, my apologies. Miss Fry, if you have anything you are willing to add to this, then please feel free to contact me."
The detective set a card on the table in front of Julia. Cal took it from her and placed it in his pocket. "I'll get a lawyer. If they come back, you can hand them his card."
"Whose card? The lawyer you're gonna get?"
"Yes. No more question answer sessions. They have what they need." Cal said.
"It must have been hard to listen to all that." Julia told him. "You didn't have to stay through it."
"I'm glad you're alive. That's what I care about."
Tavin visited Julia again before work, after visiting hours had ended. Cal and Tavin hadn't been on the best terms, so they tried to visit at different times. Tavin roomed at Sandy's since the shooting and had picked up a part time job for a local ambulance company in Maverick. He left school and decided to pick up paramedic school in the spring back in Pittsburgh. He needed to be with his family and close to Julia. If she had woken up in a different mental place, she'd need some reminding and some coaxing. He didn't need her confessing their sins as well. Jay had already caused enough trouble in a Percocet vodka driven depression. He'd told them both to stay separated and neither listened. In Jay's fragile state, he'd only have killed himself. Instead, that fragility carried into the lives of many other people. Those he'd killed and those who loved them.
Being in the middle of the media frenzy was just mind boggling. They stood outside the school and they stood outside the hospital and they held their news bites in their front yards. Not only had this taken hold of the local news media, but the national news media as well. The first couple weeks they were headline and front page news. Social media was hot in the way of debates over gun laws and mental illness. Jay was not mentally ill according to friends and family, stressed maybe, but mentally ill? No one wanted to believe that the boy they all had known so well and loved so much was a cold blooded killer. He'd taken three lives, his own in addition to attempting to take Julia's.
Julia learned of her awakening on the evening news as well as her condition. She was baffled that they could hold a press conference in reference to her and her condition. They withheld specifics and asked that the family's privacy be respected. Tavin made sure she was comfortable, had what she needed and then set a cell phone on her table.
"How's Callie?" Julia asked.
"Callie? Uh-she's ok. Why?"
"Just asking."
"Julia, we don't talk about Callie. What's up?"
"You left her there alone."
"I did. To be here. With my family."
"I'm awake. I'll survive. Go home to your girlfriend, Tavin. Leave this behind you. This all wasn't part of your plan. What was your plan?"
"Julia, I can't leave."
"You can't take over for him out of guilt. Go back to Pittsburgh. Go back to school."
"And go back to Callie. That's what you want after all of this?"
"It is what you want." Julia said, eyes tearing up. "Look, she's a sensitive, sweet and caring girl. But you can't leave her alone like this."
"You act like you know her, Julia."
"She doesn't know anything about you, does she?"
"She knows enough."
"Leave it that way. Don't say a word about your past. You cannot say a word."
"Julia, I don't for a reason."
"You have to please trust me when I say to stay a mystery to her. Tell me you'll do that."
"I will." He nodded. "But I have been here sitting next to this bed since it happened. I'm supposed to get up and leave?"
"Yes. I appreciate you sitting here and talking to me and keeping me entertained."
"I watched you die and I watched them-"
"Bring me back. I know. I was there." She told him. "I watched over you watching over me. I remember all those secrets you told me."
"Secrets? Julia, you were out."
"But I was there. I can hear. We may have been in this place, but we spent a really interesting night together in zombie land. You were so mad at me. Christ, it was a disagreement over what direction we were headed. We disagreed a lot. So, anyway, we spent the night in the farmhouse, before we'd repaired it. You spent a long time telling me things that I didn't know."
"Like what?"
"His name was Arnold. And I know what you did, what you let him do." Tavin stared at her. He hadn't expected that from her. "You may have been sitting here, telling me about it when you thought I wasn't listening, but I heard every word you said. I remember every word you said."
"Julia, I never told anyone that. Anyone."
"It's safe with me."
"No, you don't get it. I never told you that. Ever. I never admitted that to anyone." Tavin leaned back in his chair and covered his face with his hands, trying to process what she just told him. "How much detail did I give you?"
"All of it. What do you mean you never told me? You sat beside me. You fucking cried."
"Julia, no. I never did. I spent time holding your hand. I spent time telling you things, but never that."
Tavin got out of his chair and sat on the edge of the bed. "What exactly do you think happened?"
"I don't think, I know." She answered. She leaned very close to him, placed her head on his shoulder. "You want me to repeat the awful things? Bottom?"
"I need to know if you're right or whether you're wrong. Is this place bugged or something?"
"No." Julia answered. She whispered in his ear the details of his rock bottom. The 20's on the desk, his lack of an erection, the sex.
Tavin hung his head. He got off the bed and stood away from her. "How'd you know that? Tell me now."
"Tavin, you told me."
"Well, damn. Do you know the lottery numbers too?"
"I wish, Tav. Hindsight is 20/20." She laughed. "Go home. If you care about her at all, go home. Sit by her bed for awhile."
"Ok. " He said. He leaned over her and gave her a kiss on her forehead. "Love you. Call me. My number's in your cell."
"Love you too. I'll call you. Text you. Keep in touch."
Tavin walked to the door, then turned to Julia. "Hey, what happened to Callie? In your dream."
"Are you sure you'd like to know?"
"I'd like to know why you're so insistent on getting me back to her."
"Suicide." Julia answered. "Call me. Let me know she's ok."
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