CHAPTER TEN-DELIRIUM

Julia strolled past the busses and started walking. It was warm out, so she didn't need a jacket. She adjusted the back pack on her shoulders and she only stopped for the cell phone that beeped its message tone. She reached around into the side pocket of her back pack, then pulled out the android, looking at the screen. Image: a gun she'd seen before. That's crazy, that gun's at the bottom of Shade's Lake. Another message tone. Image: That's the knife that's with the gun in the bottom of Shade's Lake. Julia looked around her. The messages had come from Jay's phone. She dialed it, he answered.

"Are you seriously fucking with my head right now, Jayson Keller, because that is not funny."

"I want you to know that I love you, Julia. And I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what, Jay?"

"For what I am about to do."

She heard the phone as he set it down, but the line didn't disconnect.

First gun shot. Second gun shot. Third gun shot.

"Jayson! This isn't funny, Jayson Keller. Talk to me! Where are you?"

The phone picked up again. "It's done. I'm coming for you next." Click.

Julia woke up, panic stricken, sitting straight up in bed and scaring Chess half to death. "Every fuckin morning, Julia. Jesus Christ just sleep with the light on."

"I can't wake up from this, Chess. I can't."

"You are awake."

"Ugh, this is a nightmare." Julia cursed. She got out of bed and turned on her lamp.

"Why?"

"I don't know. As soon as I go to sleep it starts. It like loops around, bits and pieces of different dreams where he...he didn't shoot me this time though."

"Who did he shoot?"

"I don't know. It was over the phone. I heard it like pop, pop, pop." Julia said, haunted by the sounds of gunfire. "I can't go back to sleep right now."

"Where are you going?"

"Out there. I'll take my books."

 "No, Julia. You feel hot. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Jayson. Fuck. Leave me alone." She spat angrily and left him in bed.

Chess eyed her strangely. He got up and pulled on some shorts and he watched her from the addition entrance. She walked around the room talking to herself. She didn't even notice he was standing there. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He knew something was wrong as soon as she called him Jayson. He hated himself for doing it, but he went to get Tavin.

"There's something wrong with her, Tavin. Please go see for yourself and look at her." He called through the shut door. He heard him moving around, getting dressed. Then he led him to the living room where Julia was. They both watched her. "What's going on with her?"

"I have no idea."

"She called me Jayson. She snapped at me and called me Jayson. She keeps having dreams that wake her up every night, but tonight was different."

Julia head into the table and sat down with her books. She heard the beeping sounds. Steady, rhythmic. Beep...beep...beep...beep...beep... What the hell? Where is that coming from? Julia spent at least an hour pacing around the first floor of the house, listening in corners, listening in the different rooms.  She got on the floor, ear against the floor boards. I'm losing my mind. I finally lost it.

"Julia, what's up?"

She jumped, startled by Tavin in the living room. "Huh?" She asked confused.

"What are you fuckin' doing?" He asked, watching over her.

"I'm -uh- do you hear that noise? The beeping, Tavin.  I hear it."

"I hear you, but that's all." He crouched next to her, placed his hand on her back. "I think you're hearing things, Julia."

"I hear it, Tavin. Listen." She whispered.

"I need to look at  you, ok. Can I look at you? You look really, really off tonight."

"Off? I am not 'off'."

"You're burning up, Julia. I need to look at  you. Please. Here, let me help you."

"Tavin, I am ok."

"Get up. Come with me."  Tavin helped her off the cold wooden floor and took her to the table.

"There's nothing wrong with me. Tavin, I hear the noise and if you paid any attention you would hear it too."

Tavin assessed her, listening to her every word. "She's infected again. I think."

"No."

"Maybe. I can't be sure, but she's 100.4 and there's no other symptoms."

"We gotta get her in the room and keep her in there. I need to check you out too."

"I'm going with her." Chess said, but Tavin intervened.

"Chess, that's not a good idea."

"I go where Julia goes." He said, standing his ground. "Come on, Julia. Let's go back to the room. See if the noise is in there too."

"No. no, no, no, no...It's dark in there. I can't go back in that dark room."

"Julia, I have the lights on."

"You do?"

"Yes. Come see. I have lights on."

Tavin stood up and went to Jay's door. "Jay, I need you." He knocked. "Jayson, yo." He called, knocking again. When he got no response, he opened the door to Jay's room and he wasn't inside.

"Jay!" It was the middle of the night. "Where you at?"

Jess heard Tavin calling for Jay. She laid still, it was the middle of the night. "Jay, wake up. Tavin's calling you. Jay, wake up." She shook him.

Jess heard the knock on her door. It cracked a bit. "Jess, is he in here?"

"Yeah, I am." Jay mumbled sleepily. "What's up?"

"She's infected again."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but what am I going to do? You're the doc."

"And I lost my fucking nurse. I got all these people to check."

"Now? Right now?" Jay whined.

Tavin kicked the door open and stepped inside. He pulled the blanket off him, which Jay grabbed and pulled back. "I'm up. I'll be right there. Let me get dressed."

"Is Jess ok?"

"I'm just fine. He gave me a full check up."

Jay reached and felt her forehead. "She'll live."

"She stays in here. No one out of the rooms till we come through and clear you. You need something, you call."

"I don't need anything. Can I go back to sleep?" Jess said. "Or can I help? I'll help."

"No, stay in here with the babies."

Jay gathered a cart and charts and anything else Tavin asked for out of the pantry. Jay had Chess in the hall in a chair outside his door. Julia lay in bed, talking to herself with 5 lamps around her. She was shivering, curled up on her side, complaining of stomach pain. Chess checked out fine.

"What's with all the lights, man?"

"She is paranoid and scared of the dark."

"Weird. Cause that's not how the infection works. It didn't happen last time." Jay said to Chess. "How long has she been bleeding?"

"Bleeding? She's not." Chess replied. Then he turned and saw the blood. He wanted to go in the room, but Jay grabbed him.

"No way, man. No way." Jay warned him. "Tavin, there's a problem here."

"Tavin, pay some attention. There's a problem here." Chess screamed, distracting him from Tom's assessment. He got out of the chair he sat in and walked to Chess and his brother.

"Shit." Tavin cursed. "Gloves. Mask. And do we still have gowns? Julia, do we have gowns?"

"This is bullshit. I don't think she's infected."

"Jay, can't take the chance."

"Pantry." She called, holding her stomach.

Tavin went off to the pantry and Jay went in her room. No gloves or mask or gown. "Hey, Jules. I wanna help you, babe." He said. "Did you come in contact with any walkers or anything lately?"

"No."

"Do you know where you are?"

"In my room."

"What's your name?"

"Julia Morgan."

"What's with the lights? Tell me about the lights."

"I'm scared to be in the dark cause of the dreams."

"Do you need the lights on now?"

"Not all of them."

"Why not?"

"Cause I am awake, duh. They put all these lights on. Not me."

"Oh, well. Can I turn them off a minute?"

"I don't care. Go ahead."

Jay turned off all the lights, except for one. He sat and took hold of her hand. "You are bleeding, you know. Are you gonna throw up?"

"No."

"Can you sit up for me? If I help you."

"My stomach hurts, Jayson."

"I know. Come on. Sit up." He assisted her to a seated position. Her skin was on fire. He put his thumbs beneath her eyes, pulled downward and looked for bleeding. "They tell me you're a bit paranoid, but you know what's going on here. Don't you?"

"I do, Jayson."

"They tell me you're infected, but I don't agree with that. Do you think you're infected again?"

"Yes and no."

"I'm going to turn this light off a minute, then turn it back on. You know why."

"Go ahead."

Jay flicked off the light, then flicked it on. Her eyes adjusted normally. "Did that hurt, babe?"

"No, why are you calling me babe like that?"

"Sorry. Habit. Listen, I took care of you a couple times when you were sick, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did."

"The last time wasn't anything like this. This is more like the first time, Julia."

"The first time."

"Do you know where you're bleeding from?"

"I do."

"So, it's where I think it's from and not the other places? I am going to leave and I want you to talk with Chess and Tavin and we're going to let them take care of you."

"It's happening again isn't it? Why's this happening to us?"

"I don't know."

"You shot me, Jayson. Why did you do that?"

"Julia, I didn't shoot you. You just told me where the blood's coming from."

"In my dream, Jayson."

"I'm sorry."

"You told me that too. When you shot the others."

"Julia, I am not shooting you."

"Cause you love me."

"I do. And I want Tavin to fix this and Chess will hold your hand and take care of you."

"No. I can't do this. Not without you."

"Yeah, I think you can. You're sick, but I am not your husband. Chess is."

Jay got up and started turning on her lights again. He met them in the hall way and took Chess and Tavin away from the room.  He gathered up the charts, placed them on the cart. "She is not infected. So take off your gown and your mask. Everyone go back to bed. We're through here." Jay stood unusually quiet as he wheeled their cart away from the hall and back to the pantry. He pulled Jess's chart and flipped through the pages, leaving it open on the table. He pulled Kelly's chart and did the same. He pulled Julia's chart from the pile and opened it on the table.  He started flipping through and read the last entry to Tavin and Chess.

"I can't believe you. I'll keep this to myself and maybe she won't remember or think about it. Hell, maybe it's even her own fault for not doing it."

"Doing what? Jay, what are you talking about?"

"I don't know if it's connected, the paranoid stuff or not. But when I was waiting for you to get done with Tom I was reading Julia's chart. The last entry-you wrote about putting in her birth control."

"So?  I did it right. Jay, I did it right."

"I realize that. What's different between hers and the other two?" He asked, shaking his head as he pointed out the obvious in writing.

"She does them. I thought she did one."

"Well, did she? It's not written down? Did you put that inside her and not ask if she was pregnant? How long was it out anyway?"

"A few hours. That's all."

"Any way to find out for sure? Cause I-it doesn't matter. Just go take care of her."

"There's a way to know for sure. Her journal." Chess answered. "No, I trust her. Completely. She wouldn't lie about it."

"Julia would never lie to someone she loves." Jay said sarcastically.

Jay jogged the steps upstairs, crawling back in the bed beside his leftovers.

"Everything alright?"

"Yes and no." Jay answered, turning away from her. " I feel bad for her is all."

"What's going on? Is she infected?"

"No. She's not, but yes. Just not going to turn into something horrible." He replied.

"What is it, then Jay?"

"It's personal is all. If she talks about it she talks about it."

"I wish you wouldn't be so closed off with me, Jayson."

"I wish you wouldn't ask so many questions, Jesslyn."

"I wish we could have a simple conversation that doesn't end up in an argument."

"I wish we could have a simple conversation."

"I think we're better at sex than we are anything else, Jay."

"It's how this works, cause you get on my nerves."

"Sorry I am not her, Jay."

"She gets on my nerves too. Don't feel like you're special."

"Why you so bitchy?"

"Why are you?"

"Truce. Before we say anything we might regret?"

"Truce then." Jess said, agreeing to disagree. "So there was no beeping?"

"Not one single beep that I could here."

Chess stayed by her side in the room waiting for her memory and behavior to resolve. He also kept her from ripping out the IV that Tavin had placed in her arm. He'd given her a dose of antibiotic. Chess nearly had to sit on her just to get the drip to infuse. She wouldn't stop moving and the more they approached her, the more angry she got. She swore they were stabbing her when the IV went in and then she swore they were against her and going to try to kill her. She was panicked and scared and came out swinging. Fortunately she was weak and couldn't hit hard. Plus the pain she felt subdued her.

She was a mess, physically and mentally. It was all the beeping. The beeping, she swore she was getting text messages. She ranted they stole her phone, they were holding her hostage. Why wouldn't they let her see Jayson? Was he infected? She came back and forth in reality and time between the days when she had a cell and a boyfriend named Jay and the time when she had a husband named Chess and walkers on the fence. She scratched and bit if they put their hands on her. She was a bloody mess, pants soaked with blood and she had blood on her hands and her face.

Chess couldn't take anymore. He'd said all he could think of saying. He pleaded with her, he begged her to just stop, he thought he was losing his mind. Then she went and got mean and gradually more loud.

When Jay and Jess came downstairs to start the walker checks and the wood run, they peeked in on the commotion Julia was causing. Anyone that roomed in the addition was in the dining room or the living room. "What the hell is going on?" Jay asked as he peered into the room around his brother. Jay pulled his hoodie over his head and stepped around them both. "I thought you were going to take care of her."

"Jay, she's an animal." Tavin said. "It's all we could do to keep her in there."

He tossed his hoodie to Jess and told Chess to go with Jess and do his job. "If you treat her like an animal, she'll act like one."

"Jay, we did everything." Chess argued, pulling Jay's hoodie on over his head. Jay tossed Chess's boots out the door to him.

"Jess knows what we do." Jay said. He pulled the door shut behind him.

Julia was crouched on the top of the bed. "Jules, you're a mess. Come here."

"Jayson, where were you?"

"I was asleep."

"Why did you shoot me? Am I that horrible? Am I that bad?" She whispered, looking around the room.

"No, you're not. Come down here, babe. Let me help you."

"You said you would come to me. After you fired the gun, on the cell. Now you're here. Where's your gun? Is it on you? The knife? From the box."

"Julia, I have no weapons on me. I came for you. I want you to come with me. I would never hurt you."

Julia's crouching stance loosened up a little. She looked at his waist. He saw that and he turned so she could see he had no gun and no knife.

"I remember the bullet. You shot me in my head, Jayson, then when I tried to leave, you shot me in my head. You stood over me and you shot me in my head."

"Julia, I am not here to shoot you."

She crawled onto the bed. "The blood. Look at all this blood, Jayson. It's everywhere."

"I'll clean it up."

"It hurts, Jay."

"I know it hurts, Julia. That's why I am here. I came for you. I came to help you."

"Did you do this cause of Tavin? Because of what I did with Tavin?"

"I hate him for that."

"You hate me too. That's why you did this to me."

"I loved you more than I hated you. That's why I came for you. That's why I am here with you right now."

"So you can be the one to take care of me. Because you're the only one who can take care of me."

"I should be taking care of you. I always should have been the one taking care of you, but you took that choice away from me. But it's ok. It doesn't matter now. Cause I want you to let me help you and make this all better."

"You want me to trust you? Come with you? I only go with my daughter and I don't hear her. I don't see her and I certainly don't feel her. I only go with Jayla."

"Are you sure about that?"

"You can try to kill me, Jayson. You can put two bullets in me, but I don't die that easily."

"I didn't kill you."

"I can take care of myself. No matter what you do to me, Jayson. I am a strong girl. I am a good person. I made mistakes, but I paid for them."

"I am sorry, Julia. I am so sorry. I never meant for anything to happen. I never meant for it all to come to this. I can clean this up. I can make this better. I can."

"I don't want you to do anything for me. I just want to wake up. That's all I want."

"Let me help you. Come on. Get down off there. I can clean you up and I can let you relax and fall asleep. No more dreams and no more nightmares."

"Is that all it'll take to let me wake up and go home?"

"Yeah, babe. I'll make sure of that." Jay helped Julia off the bed. He removed her clothes. He cleaned her and redressed her.

"Jesslyn told me about your letters."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"How could you do that to Tavin?"

"I didn't do anything to my brother, Julia. I never mailed that letter."

"You still wrote that letter." She said. She watched Jay change the sheets on the bed. She let him lay her down and tuck her in. "Sit here with me a while longer. Even though I won't do as you ask, I do love you. I can't judge you by your actions on one day of our many."

"I wish I saw it that way."

"I wish you had seen it that way too."

"Go to sleep, Julia. When you wake up I won't be here."

"I know. But we'll see each other again sometime, right? You can stop by in another dream and we can hang out and talk."

"I would like that."

"Is she coming for you?"

"Close your eyes. Go to sleep."

"Is she coming for you?"

"No, Julia. She's not."

"Who's coming for you, Jayson? I don't want you to be alone."

"Well, Hayley and Chess and Andy."

"That's why you shot me."

"Shhh, enough. Close your eyes."

"I'm so tired and it hurts so much." She said. "When I wake up, will I be home?"

"Yeah, Julia."