CHAPTER NINE-LEFT OVERS

Jess sat speechless. She closed the gap between Jay and herself, sitting next to him. Jay had just doled out his deepest and darkest days to her, which she hadn't expected. At the most she thought she'd hear a pep talk or some words that would make her feel better just so he could get in her pants, but she hadn't expected his confession.

"She made you feel like that? Jay, I completely understand."

"Back then I would have said yes." Jay corrected her. "You know, I was thinking about this. After she found out about the baby when she like freaked out and left me alone,  I had a lot of time to think. When I look back now, it was me that made me feel like that. I should have left her alone then."

"Thanks, Jay."

"However angry or sad you are, just be happy it's over."

He picked himself up and he walked away, closing her bedroom door shut behind him.

Jay crossed the hall and turned the knob to get in the boys' room.  Daniel was sound asleep and the boys were sitting on the floor with the twins playing cards. He left the door open and told them to keep it that way from now on. "No more shut door here. I mean it. Have fun." Jay walked down the stairs and turned the left into his room. He lay down, closed his eyes for what he thought would be a  cat nap, but it turned into hours.

Julia woke in the morning like every morning, startled and relieved, in pitch darkness, complete stillness. Can I live like this forever?  If I close my eyes and then open them, maybe, poof!, I will be home again. I swear I would do it different. I swear... No more panic and no more fear. No more pitch black.  She reached for Jayson, everything a blur, screaming no. Holding her hands up at him as he waved the gun. The gun in his hand. She could feel moisture collecting on her scalp, in her hair, flowing into her eye. A sharp pain in her temple region and she struggled to stay on her feet. Her vision blurred, then went completely and devastatingly black. She struggled to stay awake, then the fear would take over, then the overwhelming relief and calm. She opened and closed her eyes and nothing.  No more sounds of gun shots to startle her awake and get her heart racing. Damn it... she cursed as she realigned herself in the bed, hearing the heart beat through Chess's rib cage. She lay beside him, as close as she could possibly get and dealt with the vacuum of her own anxiety.

"Another dream?" Chess asked, rousing from slumber.

"Yeah, they're getting harder to wake up from." Julia answered.

"He shot you again?"

"Yeah, in the head, always in the head. And it hurts and it all fades to black. A heavy black, like in here with the lights out."

"Well, you're fine. Go back to sleep."

"Don't want to go back to sleep. Wanna fool around?"

Jay woke from what he thought was a nap to realize that it was morning. Time for morning rounds. If I am lucky I can get outta here before they wake up. Jay threw the covers back and put his feet on the floor. The throw rug was bumpy beneath his feet. He'd grown accustomed to the dark in his space. Rooming alone, he knew exactly where everything was. He liked the dark, reaching for his clothes and getting ready in the morning without the assist of light, he felt blind. He heard the footsteps coming downstairs, hurried feet descended and rounded the way to the addition. She stopped in front of his door. "Hey, I caught you."

"Caught me doing what, Jess?" He asked as he laced up his boots. She shined a flash light in the room.

"Before you went out. I want to help you out."

"Well come in and help me then." He told her. He stopped lacing his boots and sat straight.

"No, I mean I wanna help you with the wood. You know, whatever you do in the morning."

"That's the wood I need the most help with, Jess."

"Oh, god." She sighed, shining the light on his pants. "Sure. I can help." She said, stepping inside and turning off her light. Jess kneeled in front of him, listening to him undoing his pants in the dark.

Jay leaned back against the wall and enjoyed Jess's mouth as she sucked him. He couldn't see a thing, no movement, no head bobbing on him, but he still closed his eyes. For some reason that just enhanced the whole act for him. He could feel her hands on his balls, touching him gently and then her tongue. He heard his own voice, 'Jess, that's nice.' It was all very good, the wet heat against his flesh, her lips as she moved over the head, then all the way down over him. He could hear Julia in the next room, her voice adding background music to Jess's action. Julia's moaning. Jess's suction. Julia coming. He had heard her come a million times. Jess's suction. Julia gasping. "Jess," He said, warning her. But she didn't take the hint. "Jess," He warned her he was near letting go. "Get off, Jess." She kept going. Julia calling out in the room next to his. Jess took him all the way in and he held her head. Jess always chose to pull off too late. He left her go when she pulled back, which spilled him all over the damn place. He grabbed her hand and kept it moving on him. "Jess." He groaned as his hand guided hers. "I wasn't done."

"I'm sorry-"

"I warned you, Jess. I told you to get off. Where's the light?" He felt Jess set the flashlight on the bed, but he got up and turned on the lamp on his dresser. "This light, Jess. This one." He said annoyed. He cleaned himself up and dabbed at the spots on his pant leg.

"Jay, that's really annoying. How do you listen to that?" Jess said, getting off the floor. She watched him lace his boots up.

"Let's get to work." He said, "Follow me."

Having company this early in the morning was similar to having a tooth ache. His mornings were his alone. His time to think and clear his head. She held his hand as they walked the perimeter. "Do you remember how to do this?" He asked, handing her the spear.

"Yes." She answered. She and Jay passed 45 minutes, killing the dead. "There's so many, Jay."

"Jess, they're still here. Everyday."

"I didn't think-"

"That there were this many? There are. They are still here and they are still a threat to everything we have here. You don't see this."

"This is why you keep us so close to the house. So guarded all the time. I almost forgot they exist."

"I do this every morning. I kill them, push them off, then in a couple hours the boys come out and do the rounds again. Every two hours there's people out here."

"All night too?"

"No. Just when we're awake."

"What about during the night?"

"We have to have faith that the fence does its job. There's not much time between last checks and first checks."

Jess held the bag for Jay as he loaded the wood, then he watched her try to pick up the bag for a minute till she gave up and let Jay carry it inside. He handed her a glove and she pulled open the door on the first wood stove. He handed over wood that she placed inside. They went from stove to stove, the fire place in the living room. Lastly they went to the kitchen and he showed Jess how to start the fire for Luz. The final task was the coffee.

"Cool. Now what?"

"Are you spending the whole day with me? Am I training you or something?"

"Jay, you said to find something to do. Find a reason to come out and focus on it. This is my idea."

"Hanging out with me is your big idea."

"Better than taking care of kids all day cause they get on my nerves. And better than cooking all day cause I am a horrible chef."

"Perks of fucking the boss."

"What?"

"Perks of fucking the boss, I said. She took care of you by keeping you inside. You said it, you thought they didn't exist anymore. She gave you a gift, Jess. She protects the people she loves." Jay started laughing. "She loves you more than the rest of us. She doesn't make you work. She doesn't make you do anything, except live."

"Like the kids."

"Cause she thinks you're hers."

"I'm not anymore."

"But if she asked you?"

They were interrupted by footsteps, Julia for her morning coffee. "Morning," She said to them.

"Morning." Jess answered.

Julia poured three cups of coffee, adding extra sugar to Jess's cup. "You're up and dressed early. Going somewhere?"

"I went out this morning with Jayson."

"On checks. Why? You're not supposed to be out there. It's dangerous." Julia said. "Jay, why would you let her do that?"

"Uh-she asked nicely." Jay answered. He looked at Jess, then saw how Jess had shaken up Julia. "She has a way with the dead, Jules." He watched as Julia thought a minute, processing that Jess had been on her fence. On the perimeter. Killing the dead. That was Julia's weakness with Jess, putting her in danger.

"Don't do it again, Jay."

"I didn't do anything wrong. What's the problem?"

"The problem is she hasn't been out there in a long time and-"

"I can do it, Julia. I was alright with Jayson." Jess announced.

Julia handed them their coffee. Jay thought, then said, "She doesn't do anything. Why is that?"

"Everything's already done, Jay. We're all covered. Thanks." Julia answered as she poured Chess his coffee. "Jess, there's plenty to do in here. I can find you something, ok." She walked away from them and head back to the addition.

"There you go, Jess." Jay said, walking to the table with his coffee.

"There I go what?" She asked, following him.

"You found her weakness. You can take advantage of it."

"I don't understand, Jay." She said.

"If you want her back or if you wanna hurt her or if you want revenge. She just handed you everything you need."

"How, Jayson?"

"Jess, Jesus Christ, use your pretty little head and think." Jay whined. "Do I have to explain this to you?"

"You think I am stupid, but I don't understand. God , I am stupid." She said.

"You are not. Jess, you just don't think like we do. You're not a mean person is all."

"I just want to make her cry, Jay. That's all."

"You gotta go to work. Just work. Outside."

"She said no."

"You are going to work with me today. Stick with me." Jay sighed. He picked up his coffee. "When she complains, you must stand up to her. You have to. Can you do that?"

Jess made rounds with Jay all day and afternoon, only stopping to eat. He enjoyed being outside despite the cold. Best part of his work on that farm was he could do it alone. To Jess's surprise he didn't have that much to actually do. He thoroughly enjoyed the horses, leading them out to the clearing and watching them run and walk around. He sat on one of the trees they'd cut down and watched them.

"Ok, now what?"

"Just sit, Jesslyn. That's all."

"I sit all day, Jay. Every day. This is what you do?"

"Yep."

"Do you like ride them or something?"

"No. I let them be horses. I like watching them run around."

"Jay, we're the only two left. Should we get together?" Jess asked.

"No."

"Not like there's a lot of options here for us. Not like we can go down to the Square and hang out or go to school and meet new people."

"There's two guys imported from Delaware right over there."

"No," She laughed. "No. I like the guy that's right here next to me."

"I Like you too. But that's kind of like taking left overs."

"Thanks a lot, Jay. That's so sweet. I wonder why you don't get laid more." Jess said. She got up and walked away. He watched the horses, then watched Jess, then watched the horses.

"Jess, come back!" He called. "I didn't mean it like that, Jess!"

God damn, girls.

"How did you mean it then, Jayson? Left overs? You're the one that said you'd have my back."

"I don't love you, Jess. I mean I am not in love with you like that."

"Ditto, Jay."

"Jess, what do you want from me? Just fucking say it ok. A couple days ago I had to beg you to spread em and today you're at my side and want to hook up? She rubbed off on you. Cause you're not making any sense to me and I need someone who's gonna make sense."

"I'm lonely and bored. I want your company and I want something to do all day. Does that make enough sense to you, Jayson Keller? You told me that story of yours for a reason.  I don't wanna marry you and have your fucking babies, you jerk."

"Jess, come back, sit down and watch the horses."

Jess trudged back to the tree, and she took her seat next to him.

"We are the left overs, Jesslyn. Like it or not. "

"But some leftovers are better the next day."