Tavin went to Sandy and John's house. He parked around the corner and walked to the neighbor's house, then through their yard and into the back entrance. A good night's sleep and then what? Maybe Julia had been right? May he should go home to Pittsburgh? How did she know the details of that night that occurred with Arnold? He hadn't uttered those words to anyone, sober or under the influence. No one had that knowledge. He'd called into work on his drive back to the house, saying that he had to go home, there was a family issue he needed to take care of. There were a million family issues he needed to take care of. He was one of them to Sandy and John. Tavin had nothing to do with Jayson's decisions. He'd been hours away at a meeting when Jay wreaked havoc in their small town. It was all he thought about and being at Sandy and John's only made it worse. It was so fresh and so new.
Sandy was awake when Tavin came in. She was surprised at his sudden return. She asked about Julia, how she was doing. Tavin answered, 'awake and wants to go home'. Home to a house where she and Jay shared their last moments together. He thought about that so many times. She must have been so scared. He must have been so scared. How does one person do that to another and then turn a gun on himself? She wanted to go home. Did she expect to find peace there? He'd been there after the police were finished with their work, used Jay's key and went inside to see the place his brother had died. There was blood, a lot of it staining the carpet, the furniture, the walls. Jay's self inflicted wound exploded his head, so what did Julia expect to find at home? He shuddered at the thought, his skin crawling. Had anyone cleaned that yet? Had anyone washed the remnants away of his brother?
Sandy pretended that she was glad Julia was ok and wanted to go home. She pretended she wasn't jealous and angry that Julia had survived and Chess was at eternal rest in a cemetery. Tavin could sense her emptiness, her sadness. It hung around her like a black cloud. Tavin sat down with her on the sofa and told her he was going home over the weekend. He had a couple things he needed to take care of, but he'd return home for good once he got his pay check on Friday. She didn't ask him for reasons. He had a feeling she understood, but his life was never tied down to a house and a family. He'd always been a loner.
"Of all people to do such a thing, I never thought it would be him. I always thought it would be you." Sandy said. She walked away from him and head back toward her bedroom. She couldn't hurt Jay, but she sure could hurt him.
So I guess now wouldn't be a good time to say that Julia wants to see the kids...Tavin thought. He went upstairs and entered the kids' room. He undressed and laid in what had been Jay's bed. He'd sleep and then...what? Go home? He had his errands to run. Julia expected him to walk away and go home. It wasn't that easy. When he was done paying for the remains, he'd just have enough gas money to get back to Pittsburgh. The car: I'm gonna have to sell the car, take the bus back home.
The old farm house was as cold on the inside as it was on the outside. Her little feet were soaked and she said they were starting to hurt. Always something with her. She had way too much to say and had caused so many problems with him and Callie that he was not interested in taking care of her or her needs. When she cried, though, he felt like he had no choice. He looked at her sitting on the table. All those red curls with flakes of snow speckled through out. She looked like a little angel. Pale skin, bundled up and sitting there like a little kid waiting for her parent to take care of her. Fuck, will you stop crying, he muttered to himself, but he didn't dare say it aloud. Whenever he was angry with her he held it in. He still loved this girl, like it or not. He couldn't deny it as he pulled off her wet shoes and socks and rubbed her tiny red and aching feet to get her warm. Touching any part of her made him happy. As he undressed her feet, he wanted to continue undressing her and ...Cold, focus on the cold.
He started a fire and made sure Red was comfortable in front of the flames that grew larger and stronger in the fire place. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she watched the flames. He looked out the window, the barren and snow blanketed field. There wasn't anything outside, but what was he looking for? She loved the fireplace and watching the flames flicker, listening to the crackle and snap of the wood. He had never been so relieved that she asked him to sit with her. They talked a while, then he felt like he had to tell her. He liked that he could talk to her, bounce the moods in his head off her and receive real and unconditional listening with no judgment. Where did she come from that she could comfort him and hold him and make him feel better? How did she manage to make him feel like he could share what he normally wouldn't share with anyone?
He woke up suddenly, laying in the same position in the same spot. He smelled the odor of a burning fire and it scared him to death. He got up, looking around the room. The kids lay asleep. He'd had that dream before. He swore he had that dream before. Then he reached for his cell. A text message from her: Do you smell it too? Tavin looked at the phone and started crying. He sat back on the bed, looking around the room. The odor of the fire had disappeared. He opened the contacts list and hit Callie's name. Her phone began to ring and her voice, sleepy and distant said, 'hello.'
"Callie. Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I am. How's things there?"
"I-uh-I need to know if you're ok."
"Yes, I was asleep." She answered. From the sound of her voice, she was waking up. "What's wrong?"
"I love you and I'll be home soon. This weekend."
"Why? I thought-"
"Callie, I'll be home this weekend. I have a couple things to do and I will be there."
"Great. I want you here. I need you here. I miss you."
"It's good to hear your voice. Go back to sleep. I'll call you in the morning."
He needed to hear her voice. He needed to know she was alive. The dream of Julia's and the dream he'd just had, the information Julia had given him, he needed to know he was not too late. He couldn't save anyone here, but Callie's future wasn't written in stone. He couldn't shake the odor of the campfire though. Even though it was long gone, its odor lingered in his brain.
He spent a horrible night sleeping on and off, tossing and turning. He avoided doing it all night long, but he had to. Each time he dozed off he was back there. Back in that room, fireside, bawling like a little kid, with her.
He dialed Julia's number. She answered. "Can't sleep?" She asked.
"No."
"You went there, but you were supposed to go home."
"This weekend. I have things I need to take care of here, Julia. It's not that simple."
"I know. Nothing ever is simple. Go back to sleep. Close your eyes. I'll stop it, ok."
"Stop what?"
"I'll stop it, I said."
Tavin woke in the morning and dressed, packed his stuff in a couple bags. He'd seen the kids before they left in the morning for school and daycare. He'd given Alex his cell number on a piece of paper and tacked it to the wall. He also wrote Julia's beneath his. Alex was distant, sad, but strong like the rest of the Keller brood. Tavin didn't dare think about what this would begin to do to his brother and sister. All the memories and hardships he'd lived through didn't begin to compare with the weight of this tragedy Jay inflicted on them.
Tavin went to work, the bank and then felt all the weight on his mind again. He drove to the church in town and parked in the lot. He lit a cigarette before heading inside. "Can I bum one?" A man asked. Tavin opened his near empty pack and gave the older gentleman a smoke. "Times are hard, man. Thanks."
"No problem." Tavin replied. "Times are hard."
"Thinking of heading in?"
"Smoking first."
"Need a drink?"
"Need more than that." Tavin answered. "Not a drinker."
"I am. I been laid off. When I look for work, I take a meeting or two. It helps."
"How long you got?"
"A couple decades." He answered. "You?"
"A couple years almost." Tavin answered. He looked at the man beside him. Older, graying, heavy set. "Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar."
"From here I would guess." He laughed.
"No, not here." Tavin thought. "You ever been sick? I mean recently. I'm an EMT, maybe in Pittsburgh?"
"Nope. Never been to Pittsburgh." He said, stubbing the cigarette out. "Ready to head inside?"
"Yeah. I need this."
The basement rec room of the church was bright. Tavin studied the man he'd spoken to closely to the point he couldn't concentrate on the actual meeting. He focused on the man. His time to speak.
"I'm Tom."
"Hello, Tom."
Tavin felt a sense of relief. Tom. He did know Tom from somewhere. This was all too weird. Weird to the point he almost left. Tom shared being out of work...again. The contracting business was slow. His last finished a job in early fall working had been working with a company called T&J Vision, a fairly new and modern company that built solar powered next generation homes. All green. Tavin pulled his phone from his jacket pocket, he looked at the screen and pretended to text as he snapped a picture of Tom, the builder with T&J Vision. He had no idea why and he violated the whole spirit of anonymity, but it was something he felt he had to do.
"I'm Tavin. I'm a heroin addict."
"Hi, Tavin."
"I'm going home this weekend. Back to my life and my girlfriend. Today I'm going to sell my car, settle a debt and say good bye to a good friend."
Tavin went to the scrap yard and handed over the title to the junk car he'd bought in Pittsburgh to get to Maverick. He junked it for as much as he paid for it, so he broke even. The money he earned from the car combined with his check he'd have enough money for his brother and his ticket home. Another long bus ride to a life he left behind. Stick with the plan, he thought. He took the bus across town from the scrap yard to the Manganelli Funeral home. He met with the owner, Dominic Manganelli. He settled the debt, leaving with a bag and condolences.
"Thanks for working with me. It was kind of you under the circumstances." Tavin told the director, extending his hand. The director shook it.
"Mr Keller, good luck to you. I am truly sorry for your loss."
"Thanks again." Tavin nodded as he tucked the box into his back pack. He lifted his bags off the floor of the funeral entrance and slung them over his shoulders.
Tavin took the bus to the hospital, dropping his bags on the floor in Julia's room. She wasn't there, but the nurse advised him to wait. Cal was waiting in the room for his daughter.
"Leaving?" Cal asked.
"I just came to say goodbye, Mr Fry. That's all." Tavin went to the nurse's station. "Where's the therapy department?"
He followed the nurse's directions and went to the therapy room. He watched as Julia worked with the therapist. She'd be ok once she got stronger. He heard her arguing with the man. A friendly disagreement. Why couldn't she just do as the man asked?
"No, I want you to show me again." She demanded. "Work with me here."
"You need patience. You can't expect to do everything all in one day. It takes time." The therapist informed her.
"I got nothing but time." She argued. Tavin was glad he wasn't her therapist as he watched her. "All you're doing is showing me how to move around in bed. I can do that already. I am small. It's not a struggle. I want you to show me how to get from this bed to that chair."
"In time. One thing at a time."
"Get me someone who knows what they're doing."
"I do know what I'm doing."
"Julia, listen to the man." Tavin said. Tavin approached the set up the therapist had in the room. "Julia, from this moment on, I want you to do everything they say. No arguments, no telling people what to do. You are not in charge here."
"Huh, what did you say to me?"
"I said, you are not in charge here."
"I'm not."
"Let these people take care of you."
Julia processed what Tavin told her. He understood. From the dreams? She understood him. "I am sorry. I'm not in charge."
"You're not in charge anymore. You don't have to be scared anymore, Julia. They have a plan."
"What's the plan? I need to know the plan."
Tavin looked at the therapist. "She needs to know the plan. You need to write the plan down for her."
"I can print out the plan. I can give you anything you need to improve and heal."
"Do it. Do it now, please. Everything you have I want it now. All the information. I need to know. I need-"
"Julia, calm down. You'll get it." Tavin assured her. "You can't come up with this plan. You're not in charge here. Do you understand?"
"Understood."
Tavin stepped back and watched the rest of her therapy session. She was at ease, cooperative and she asked questions. Before she left the therapist gave her paperwork. A lot of paperwork. Print outs of therapeutic exercises and information on strengthening and most of all safety. She needed to learn how to do it all safely so she wouldn't get hurt. The session ended and they sat together looking out the window of the therapy room over the back of the hospital.
"You understand now?" Julia asked, taking his hand.
"I think so. I'm confused for sure, but yes." He answered. "I got something to show you. I don't want you to freak out though." He told her as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out his cellphone and opened up the photo gallery. He told her about his day, all his errands. He omitted the funeral home for now for a reason. He didn't want to upset her and she already knew where Jayson was. He told her that he'd spoken to a man. "On a hunch I got something that might be interesting."
"What's that?"
Tavin opened the photo gallery and clicked on the picture of the man from the meeting. "Who's this man?" Tavin turned the phone to her so she could take in the characteristics of the man he'd met, felt a connection to.
She smiled, teared up and let the moisture roll down her cheeks. "That's Tom." She said, taking the phone from him. "Oh, God. That's my friend, Tom."
"What did he do for a living?"
"He's a carpenter." She replied, touching the screen of the phone.
"How do we know him?"
"He nearly died. We took care of him. The farmhouse I told you about, that was his vision, Tavin."
Tavin whispered to her. "He worked for a company called T&J Vision."
"Tom's vision was the farmhouse. We came up with a plan to get it up and running, solar power and building the addition for us to live. The farm was Julia's vision, like the stuff we grew...the fields."
"He built houses that were green."
"Yeah I know. That's how he knew how to hook us up, to run our fridges and charge the lap top and iPads for the kids." Julia said, crying softly. "He's a wonderful man. A smart man. A caring man. You were close to him."
"I'm going home now, Julia."
"Good. I told you to go home yesterday. Tavin, you don't understand and the less you know-"
"Are you in control of them, the dreams? Like can you pull us all together?"
"All of us?"
"Yes, all of us. Like you pulled me there last night. Can you do it again?"
"I can try."
"I want to see him, Julia."
"I don't think-I don't know if it's a good idea."
"Why?"
"Cause I miss him and I love him. Isn't that enough?" She cried thinking of her husband. "The others don't know what happened. The others...are living there. And Hayley is dead."
"Hayley's dead? What do you mean she died? She died there too?"
"This is going to open up something I don't know if I can control. I had all my questions answered, but the others..."
"You have your questions answered. I don't. It's not fair."
"I can try, but what good can come of it. I told him goodbye, Tavin. I made peace with that. Knowing what I know. How everything happened. How he left me."
"Hey, like I said. I'm going home." Tavin told her. "I love you and I'll wait for you, when you're ready."
"Send me the picture, Tavin."
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